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I work every day with women whose self-esteem and whose very sense of competency has been eroded, day by day, over many years by remaining with an emotionally abusive partner.  “Little things” — like “gaslighting“, criticizing, controlling in subtle ways — are emotionally crippling.  Each day the self-worth of woman on the receiving end of this behavior disintegrates a little further, leaving her ever less capable of leaving.  And yet, when she talks about these experiences, she feels guilty, disloyal; feels like she is “making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

What has suddenly become obvious to me, partly from talking with girls and partly because some very wise moms have recognized the warning signs in their daughters, is that learning to recognize and reject emotional abuse needs to start at a very young age.  It starts with moms refusing to accept abuse, and with both moms and dads teaching their daughters that they do not owe their well-being to anyone — and that anyone who would compromise it is not “one of the good guys”.

The frequency that the issue of relationship abuse is part of my day suddenly hit critical mass and triggered me to really search the internet for resources to educate women and girls, and to empower them to walk proudly away from those who do not have their best interest at heart. While the tips, quizzes and information here were created for adolescents, they are equally valid for adults.  Read them with both yourself and your daughters in mind. You’ll find those resources below — beginning with the promised 10 warning signs that you — or your teen — may be in an abusive relationship. Read the full story »