I just finished reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers about how much news and exposure to images about Haiti should be shared with children. It’s a tough question — because it raises both concerns of emotional development, that is, kids’ capacity to grow from vs. being traumatized by frightening news — as well as issues of values and ethics.

From the perspective of a therapist and parent coach, I think that the kids themselves, along with what you wish for them, provide the guidance –

Don’t we all dearly wish for our kids to feel safe and secure — as well as to grow into compassionate people! Exposing kids to material that overwhelms them is traumatic, and trauma prevents kids from feeling secure — and so should be avoided. However, what overwhelms (is traumatic to) one child will not overwhelm another, and age is not always a good indicator. Behavior is more helpful. A child who is likely to be afraid to go to school (or to bed) because of the possibility of losing mom or dad in an earthquake can cope with far less exposure than a less fearful child. It’s important to realize that kids don’t learn empathy from being traumatized; they learn it from having adults understand, respect and treat their feelings with gentle care. Embrace their capacity to cope and choose the level of exposure to frightening news accordingly.

Similarly, older kids who are glued to the images on TV are showing you that they’re ready to know more. Engage them in conversation about what they’re seeing, how they feel about it, what questions they have, what frightens or angers them. Don’t duck from their answers, and don’t be afraid. Just listen fully until you understand — and then check your understanding.

Generally — for kids under five, I’d avoid the TV entirely but answer simply and directly any questions that they ask. Little kids are not helped by having fears raised of losing their parents or being crushed alive; they’ll deal with fears like these as they are able to cope with them, hopefully metaphorically through fairy tales. For six to nines, I’d assume that they’ve heard enough at school that it needs to be a topic of conversation at home — but still guided by their own questions and — this is key — by their own level of intensity. To kids, often these things feel very far away and improbable, while to adults, the world can seem like it’s going to hell in a handbasket. If your child is not as upset as you yourself are, match his intensity rather than conveying your own. Older kids can enter into much deeper conversations about getting aid to Haiti and the barriers to this; and most school-age kids can learn a sense of responsibility for others by choosing some small way to help. All kids benefit from some perspective to help them understand that even though they see an ongoing array of terrible events on television, it’s a big world, and these things are actually relatively rare.

For me — I think I’ve had as much news as I can handle for today. And I suppose teaching kids to protect themselves from the nonstop barrage of today’s media is also a crucial life skill. So — I’m turning the TV off now and grabbing an escape novel, a glass of milk and a few back-to-the-womb Lorna Doones : )