Here’s where you’ll find recordings of Invincible Voice calls. When you need a little inspiration, a gentle nudge that reminds you of your own value, or ideas about how to support your friends, kids and colleagues in sharing their unique voices, just listen in on any one of these calls.

Finding your voice will change your life.

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August 11, 2010 — When forgiveness means choosing not to see

When you’ve been hurt, it’s both natural and self-protective to be very careful about putting yourself in harm’s way again. If you’ve been on the receiving end of the ongoing hurtful actions of another person, you may find that you’ve really turned away and cannot find your way back.

Actually, that’s healthy.

Why? Because patterns of hurtful behavior, especially if that pattern is continuing, form a history that you shouldn’t forget – if forgetting means setting yourself to be hurt yet again.

“You need to forgive and move on.”

“Get over it!”

“What’s wrong with me? I should be able to let it go!”

If you’ve been hearing lines like these, this call will help you sort out forgiveness from the choice to ignore patterns of behavior as a way of avoiding conflict and tough decisions.

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August 5, 2010 — Independence is not rejection and dependence is not love

Whether it’s your teenager heading for college or you yourself ready to try your wings at something new, becoming more independent isn’t a sign of rejection. Relationships based on dependence — where one person is in on-up position — stunt growth and can actually get in the way of loving connection.
This week I’ll talk about the importance of knowing when to allow bonds of dependence to dissolve, in other words, how to move forward when relationships need to change and grow.

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July 29, 2010 — Separation Anxiety – from toddlers to college students and beyond

At the extreme, separation anxiety is a form of panic that can keep toddlers glued to their parents, high school students glued to their families and women locked in marriages that harm them.

This week I’ll explain what’s underneath the need to stay put. By looking closely at each individual situation and understanding what’s at the root of the fear, you’ll be able to help – whether it’s yourself, your friend or your child.

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July 15, 2010 — Surrender, Dorothy!
(or, as Thomas Leonard said, “Drop Pretense.”)

When I received this great quote (Thomas Leonard again) in an email yesterday, that’s what came to mind.

Here’s the quote (and the real topic):

“Drop pretense.”

That’s all. And believe me, that’s a mouthful of freedom.

I’ll be talking about this idea and what it can mean for you — in terms of yourself, your relationships, your works, your politics and beliefs.

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July 8, 2010 – Your Own Little Corner
(it doesn’t take much space to create a space that’s you)

Have you ever noticed that rearranging the contents of even a single drawer can give you a sense of hope and possibility? That’s the tip of the iceberg of what shaping your space can do for you.

Whether it’s a corner of the kitchen, a home office or a dorm room, creating a space that’s you is an expression of your self. As a result, every time you glance at it or enter into it, it affirms who you are and supports you in becoming the person you’re striving to be.

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July 1, 2010 — Decluttering: Top 10 Reasons You Should Tolerate Almost Nothing

Thomas Leonard, considered the father of coaching, coined the term “tolerations” to refer to everything from a drippy faucet to a toxic relationship; things that bug you, but that you tolerate. Whether you’re shoving things to the back of a closet or to the back of your mind, it’s costing you. In this call, you’ll have a chance to identify what you’re currently tolerating and learn why you ought to stop.

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June 24, 2010 — Mothers and Daughters: control or influence?

Parenting adolescents is scary business. If you’re longing for control over your daughter’s decisions, you’re not alone. But in the end, parents can’t control their kids, and the more you rely on coercion, the more your daughter will need to rebel.

Today I’ll talk about the distinction between controlling kids and influencing them, and provide you with some tips to try out tonight.

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June 17, 2010 – What “gaslighting” is — and why it’s *not* a “communication problem”

There’s a lot of lingo out there that is sometimes casually used to cast a false light on problems within relationships. One of the phrases you’ve probably heard misused is “communication problem”. This conveys that you and your significant other are simply not understanding one another and that if you gain some communication skills, all will be well. And sometimes that really is the case.

However, it is not uncommon in relationships where there is underlying anger for one person to purposely send unclear or deliberately misleading messages to the other. That’s not a communication problem; it’s a lack of empathy and even conscience. Today I’ll draw the distinction between communication issues and “gaslighting” for you and provide you some tips for assessing which category the communication glitches in your relationships fall into.

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June 10, 2010 – Put a Time Warp in Worry

Life isn’t carefree, even for children. But it’s so important to your well-being to create carefree moments!

In this call, I’ll talk about how to turn off the noise regularly — even if it’s for small periods of time.

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June 3, 2010 — What To Do When Nothing Can Be Done – 5 tips to help you avoid overwhelm when you’re helpless

No one likes to feel helpless. We look for almost any other explanation when bad things happen other than the obvious one. But the simple truth is that sometimes things go wrong – and there’s nothing we could have done to prevent it.

Today I’ll talk about how to cope with overwhelm and come out laughing.

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May 27, 2010 – Why “Small” Things Can Ruin Your Day — and how to prevent it

Why can one little event — like tripping over the computer cord or finding a mistake in your work — throw you into a severe funk — and the very same thing would be tossed off and forgotten by your spouse or co-worker?

There are several things at work here. In this call I’ll be talking about some very specific patterns of thinking that make the difference between resilience and depression; the difference between feeling like giving up — vs. having a small laugh. I’ll be referring to psychologist Martin Seligman’s great book on the topic — Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. By the end of the call, you’ll have clear steps to take — and to teach your kids.

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May 13, 2010 – Knowing When to Get Help — and the high cost of doing nothing

There’s no way to get through life without some stressful times. Everybody has them. So how can you tell whether you’re doing okay – or whether you need some help? And what kind of help is the “right” help – a pill, a group, coaching, psychotherapy? Doesn’t going to therapy mean you’re nuts? How do you find the person who can help you best? Will medication change you in a scary, indelible way?

This call is about figuring out what you need and how to go about getting it.

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May 5, 2010 – Communication That Doesn’t Hurt — and why “constructive criticism” is an oxymoron

Why can one friend help and support you with an important project and the same efforts from your sister-in-law make you feel hurt and furious? Why do your kids welcome input from a teacher but reject it out-of-hand from you?

We’ll examine the flaws in the concept of “constructive criticism” as well as the folly of blaming the recipient of these unwelcome messages for feeling upset instead of grateful and enlightened. Finally, I’ll provide some tips for making your words match the message you really want to convey and for responding when someone passes judgment over you in the guise of “constructive criticism”.

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Download here: Communication That Doesn’t Hurt — and why “constructive criticism” is an oxymoron

April 28, 2010 – Take a Chance! Why you absolutely must take personal risks and 3 tips to help you start today

Whether it’s at work, in relationships or in any other aspect of life, there are two choices – to move forward or to stagnate. Trying to keep things just as they are might sound ideal, but over time you’ll find that your life feels less and less exciting; you might start to feel depressed and not know why.

But moving forward always involves the unknown. I’ll be talking about why it’s so important to step into the unknown despite the risk – and then I’ll help you do it.

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Download here: Take a Chance! Why you absolutely must take personal risks and 3 tips to help you start today

April 14, 2010 – Weight Loss – 5 risks of success that can keep you from shedding the pounds

If you’ve been trying to figure out why you just can’t lose the weight that you want to, this topic may provide you with some answers and a new way of thinking about weight loss.

Losing weight is not just a challenge of diet and exercise. It’s also about a shift in how you see yourself — the possibilities you see for yourself, as well as the limits. Slimming down to the size where you feel most healthy and attractive (and that absolutely does not mean pencil-thin) opens up a whole new array of possibilities, some of them actually terrifying! At the same time, reaching your personal ideal weight stands to rob you of the belief that the unhappiness or dissatisfaction you’ve been chronically feeling is because of inches and pounds.

It’s often issues like these — and not finding the right diet — that stand in the way of reaching your goal.

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Download here: Weight Loss:5 risks of success that can keep you from shedding the pounds

April 7, 2010 – Procrastination – why you do it and 7 strategies to help you get unstuck fast!

Procrastination is one of those topics that people like to pin on willpower. Surely it’s just a function of being lazy. Getting things done is just a matter of having the strength of character to push on through, right?

Well, there’s a least a grain of truth there, in that strength is involved. But it’s not the strength of your willpower that will help you escape procrastination – it’s the strength of your self. That’s not built by an act of will; it’s constructed from the inside out. I’ll be talking about how to do that.

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Download here: Procrastination – why you do it and 7 strategies to help you get unstuck fast!

March 31, 2010 – Seeking Happiness? 3 words that can make or break it

Happiness is a side effect of the journey, not a destination in itself. And it’s very much a function of your own personal definitions. Today I’m going to talk about three of those definitions – perfection, family and success – because your definitions of these words directly determine the likelihood that you will be happy.

You’ll have a chance to rethink these ideas and instantly refresh your perspective on your life.

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March 24, 2010 – Keep Your Sanity — even when you’re way out of your comfort zone

There’s no shortage of stress in today’s chaotic, insecure world, and that’s not something you can change.

But — we each have certain things in our lives that supply us with an immediate sense of well-being just by being present. In tomorrow’s Invincible Voice, you’ll have a chance to think deeply about what those things, people and ideas are for you. By collecting these treasures in a virtual Comfort Cabinet, you’ll have at your fingertips a source of energy and solace, and a means of reconnecting with the people and things that make you feel whole.

The bonus: Your discoveries are also the seeds for designing A Space That’s You. (Take a moment to trigger the decorator in you at the A Space That’s You blog.)

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Download here: Keep Your Sanity — even when you’re way out of your comfort zone

March 17, 2010 – First Aid for the Break-Up of a Relationship — finding your self again

When an important relationship is on the rocks, everything that you thought you could take for granted about who you are and about your way of life is suddenly in question. It’s a big deal, and it can take a long time to work through. In fact, there’s no set time for how long it will take.

It’s important to remember that, because well-meaning friends, at a loss for how to help, often say, “It’s time to move on,” or “You need to get on with your life.”

But it’s not that simple. Moving forward cannot be accomplished by an act of will, and being “stuck” doesn’t mean that you’re “resistant” to feeling better or (worse) “wallowing”. It simply means that you haven’t healed yet. The end of a relationship requires you to see yourself in a new way. We’ll talk about how to do that.

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Download here: First Aid for the Break-Up of a Relationship — finding your self again

March 3, 2010 – Conflict Strengthens Bonds with Kids, Partners and Friends – steering into the “emotional skid”

Conflict feels like high-risk territory to many women. If the idea of entering into the fray with your kids, your partner or your friends carries a sense of doom for you, it’s probably because you anticipate at a very deep level that speaking your piece will cause the people you love and need to reject you, to lose interest, to fade away from your life.

But what if conflict actually holds with it an opportunity to strengthen these precious relationships?

Psychiatrist and author John Birtchnell used a metaphor to illustrate this how this can work. Just like hitting a slick spot while driving in snow, the way to come through a disagreement is to “steer in the direction of the skid.”

We’ll talk about the power in that idea both for relationships and for parenting.

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Download here: Conflict Strengthens Bonds with Kids, Partners and Friends — steering into the “emotional skid”

February 24, 2010 – From Invisible to Invincible

If being invisible equates to feeling depressed and drained, being
invincible means really putting yourself out there — and feeling energized and alive as a result.

How do you go from being invisible to feeling invincible? What are the basic fears we all share that might cause you to choose to stay hidden?

Even though remaining “invisible” may feel safer, is it really? What are the hidden costs of quietly staying out of the limelight?

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Download here: From Invisible to Invincible

February 17, 2010 – Seeking Your Passion: the new recipe for depression

We’ve all heard it by now: “Adequate” people are supposed to be able to point to something and say, “This is my passion” — and then build a life or a career around it.

Which is great in theory. But it leaves women hammering away at themselves trying to pound out whatever their “passion” is supposed to be. And you usually can’t find it that way.

But what really is possible is to have passionate moments by following sparks of curiosity and energy. Out of those sparks a pattern emerges, over time, making it possible to have and share more and more of those passionate moments. In this Invincible Voice call, I’ll talk about how to do it – as well as the implications for parenting.

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Download here: Seeking Your Passion: the new recipe for depression

February 10, 2010 – Relationships That Drain You: changing the terms of connection

Over time, relationships settle into a set of unspoken rules — about what you will and will not say or confront and the expectations you silently agree to meet. You can find yourself dreading spending time with the very people you love the most! We’ll be talking about how to renegotiate the silent rules that leave you feeling drained and resentful. It takes courage, but opening up the conversation can breathe new life and commitment into valued relationships.

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Download here: Relationships That Drain You: changing the terms of connection

February 3, 2010 – Raising Depression-Resistant Kids

As a parent, you have tremendous power! This teleclass, the first of the weekly series, Invincible Voice — your inner antidote to depression,will give you a simple, deeply effective approach that you can implement immediately to raising kids who feel invincible — not invisible. You’ll also come away with understanding that you can act on about how your own experiences as a child continue to affect your mood, even today.

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Download here:Raising Depression-Resistant Kids